A letter from Teddy Roosevelt

Dear fellow Illuminists,

Many years ago, I started our country down the path of socialism by capitalizing on the current times and applying the "Hegelian dialectic" to the desperate citizens of the United States. It was very successful. The plan, which I call, "The crock pot cooking of America" produced results far greater than we ever imagined. As you know, the biggest threat to our plan of a one-world economy, one world government, and a unifying, pluralistic, one world religion is the inability to control the average people. To deal with this problem if individuality and capitalism, we strategically put our people in high-ranking positions of the major media outlets; we even managed to change the previously negative perception of living off the "tit" of government and have made the concept of entrepreneurial capitalism and individual greatness an “exception” to the rule and not for the average citizen. One of the most important plans we are accelerating, is eradication of fundamental Christian beliefs from the public schools while replacing it with relativism, humanism, Darwinism, and non-competitive grading systems in order to stifle any of the truly talented children to prevent them from becoming a threat in the future, as adults. Note to self: we need to deal with the “Intelligent Design” folks. They are a real threat to our agenda because up to now we have been able to present Brother Charles’ book (Origin of the species) as fact, even though Charles himself did not believe it, according to the statement at the end of his book. We have made great strides in breaking down these fringe group idealistic attitudes toward marriage, the family, borders, language and culture, and have even been able to alter public perception, that the majority, are actually in the minority.

However, as history has shown us, repeatedly, our biggest roadblock is this confounded second Amendment that the founding fathers just had to put in place. It has truly been a thorn in my side whilst dreaming of a truly Marxist utopian society where we enlightened individuals can guide the multitudes. I want to commend you in taking on the grand mission of this last roadblock to our dream of a truly united socialist world. I did what I was able to do in my time; social security, dealing with the problem with gold, etc..., and you, are doing what you can, in your time.

Regarding guns, I never imagined it would be possible to unarm the multitudes. As strongly as those silly patriot infidels felt about their “Right to Bear Arms”, but you applied my method, and are making great progress. Slow cooking, baby steps...toward unarming those who are not part of our elite circle. We know that Mother Russia (rest her soul), The Nazi's, Serbia, China, and many other attempts at "enlightened" world domination would simply have failed before getting started if the average citizen was armed sufficiently to defend themselves. The same is true for our plans. Therefore, I take my hat off to you for striving toward such a monumental malefaction. Keep up the good work. However, I must warn you, Brothers & Sisters of the Owl; you may not know this, but patriotic idealistic evangelical Christians are not the only threat to our plans. The Muslims know about us too! See here:

My only other concern is this “Internet”. It is a swell invention really, I have played with it quite a bit, but it is a real threat to us and must be handled. I know through Miss Clinton you are working on this problem of lack of "control" of information on the Internet so I don’t want to overwhelm you as she seems to have this and many other roadblocks to socialism well in hand. However, I cannot stress how important it is for this phenomenon called The Internet to be controlled and censored. Information is the biggest threat to us after guns, and we must have complete control of it.

The for now, do not worry, for it is summer once again, cast your worries to the wind, dull care, be gone, dull care be gone!

Sincerely,

Theodore Roosevelt
teddy@marxists.org